Small musing….

OK so, here’s where I get a little human. Apologies in advance.

One of the things on my 40×40 list, that was subsequently taken off, was “Seriously try to fall in love with someone”.  It began to not exist virtually one second after it was typed.  

Since then, though, it’s been on my mind.  I find myself elaborately justifying all of the reasons why it was ok to take it off the list. I’m so busy! I’ve got such a full life! I’m perfectly happy as-is! I’m scared shitless! So many uncontrollable factors, so intimidating….and I’ve been single for soooo long. Trying to meet someone who you could be compatible with, who could be compatible with you, who could be the person you want to actually dedicate time/effort/attention to…you guys, that shit’s hard.

Some people fall out of love and then right back in with the ease of a small monkey effortlessly leaping from limb to limb. I sooo admire them.  I, however, take more of an opossum approach, faking my death over and over in order to survive anything that might make my tenacious current state of happiness less happy.

Is it wrong? Or is it a perfect example of self preservation? Will I end up an old crone with a house full of cats? Is that better than dating the wrong guy, or worse, settling for the wrong guy because the right guy is nowhere to be seen? Am I too picky? Broken? Over-thinking? (Those of you who know me well, are exclaiming a facetious NO! in your minds right this very second, and that’s ok, fine, go ahead and mock me).

Zen-ly, I know the universe, God, karma, all of it- has got a grip on all of this for me, and I should just chill out and wait on good things, because they do come to good people. The me that is serene and happy to not be so willfull all of the time knows this…but it’s frustrating sometimes.

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7 Responses to Small musing….

  1. This I completely understand. Love is some scary shit and being hurt by someone you care about is one of the most painful experiences a person can go through. AND I’m with you on the whole Zen approach of thinking that life/God/Karma will hand you what you deserve, when you deserve it. The question is though… will you be so guarded with your feelings that you won’t be prepared to receive it? or, even worse, perhaps so blinded by fear and excuses that you won’t even see it when it’s right there in front of you. The opportunities for love are like a fast moving train. Once they’re gone, they’re gone. The second you see an opening, you gotta just reach out, eyes shut, praying for the best and jump on board with both feet. Throw your whole self into the experience and if you get hurt, dust yourself off, give yourself time to heal the wounds, and then get right back up and ready for the next ride.

    You are such a catch, Melis. If you could set aside the fear and put yourself out there, I mean REALLY OUT THERE, you’d find a man happy to catch you that is just as funny, smart, beautiful and talented as you are. A real equal. Go for it, girl!

    • Oh my dear friend. Have I told you how glad I am to have you in my life? Thank you for being sweet and calling me on my shit (in the nicest way possible, of course) simultaneously. Valid points and suggestions all, and I am grateful for the insight. ❤

  2. Susan says:

    My dear, you are perseverating. Deep cleansing breath.

  3. Nora H. Weeks says:

    I’m a little sleepy-eyed right now, but I have 2 things to say: God I still love the way you write and 2, the man that DOES catch you and DOES sweep you off your feet and HAS you let down your guard – WILL be DAMN INCREDIBLE. He has to, to have you my dear!!

    • I so love and appreciate you for loving me this much….you, along with so many others make these musings easier to bear. Xoxox

      • Nora H. Weeks says:

        Sister, you will always be my one and only Echo!!! I have so much admiration for you, so much, I just don’t have all the words for it!
        I know others love and appreciate you as well. You are an incredible person, that only someone incredible deserves!!
        I know at times it is easy to sell yourself short, all of us have done it. It is human, but it also temporary. You know that you are an amazing woman and mother. If we didn’t have our doubts about ourselves, we wouldn’t learn, take steps back and grow!! Lord knows I have (and still do) had my share of doubts about myself and the direction I’ve taken – especially the last 3 yrs!!
        I’m so glad that you are open and brave enough to open up like this on your blog – not many people can do this!! You rock Mamasita!!
        Love you!

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