OK so, here’s where I get a little human. Apologies in advance.
One of the things on my 40×40 list, that was subsequently taken off, was “Seriously try to fall in love with someone”. It began to not exist virtually one second after it was typed.
Since then, though, it’s been on my mind. I find myself elaborately justifying all of the reasons why it was ok to take it off the list. I’m so busy! I’ve got such a full life! I’m perfectly happy as-is! I’m scared shitless! So many uncontrollable factors, so intimidating….and I’ve been single for soooo long. Trying to meet someone who you could be compatible with, who could be compatible with you, who could be the person you want to actually dedicate time/effort/attention to…you guys, that shit’s hard.
Some people fall out of love and then right back in with the ease of a small monkey effortlessly leaping from limb to limb. I sooo admire them. I, however, take more of an opossum approach, faking my death over and over in order to survive anything that might make my tenacious current state of happiness less happy.
Is it wrong? Or is it a perfect example of self preservation? Will I end up an old crone with a house full of cats? Is that better than dating the wrong guy, or worse, settling for the wrong guy because the right guy is nowhere to be seen? Am I too picky? Broken? Over-thinking? (Those of you who know me well, are exclaiming a facetious NO! in your minds right this very second, and that’s ok, fine, go ahead and mock me).
Zen-ly, I know the universe, God, karma, all of it- has got a grip on all of this for me, and I should just chill out and wait on good things, because they do come to good people. The me that is serene and happy to not be so willfull all of the time knows this…but it’s frustrating sometimes.